Saturday, 16 January 2016

Smarty Pants. Or 'it's not what goes in but what comes out, that matters'

Well. I don't believe it! Spent 3/4 hour filling in a free online Last Will and Testament. Totally free! OK? Got that? It's a free online Will. Only to discover it just meant "spend ages filling in and saving, that's all free but then if you want your copy to download and print, hand over your dollars !" Yeah, as if.

But that's a topic for another time because what I'd like to go on about comes under the subtitle of -

    What makes a smart phone smart?

and don't nobody say "give it a sharp, hard, slap!"  or "make it wear a suit and tie!' because I've already thought of them and you'd just look a bit, erm, Parroty?

Just hawk back to the start of this blog entry. We were talking about online Wills {of the not so free variety} weren't we? I was anyway. I'd spent three quarter of an hour tapping away diligently on the old Nexus, creating my very own Free Last, Will & Testament. Had I only known then,I could have spent that 3/4hr looking at something much nicer that I couldn't afford).  It began by needing the formal details. The boring stuff. The skeleton to be padded out with layer upon layer of words, sentences and paragraphs of my desiring to burden / gift unsuspecting members of family with various items.

I don't think this kind of thing is meant for a small 7" tablet, especially one with predictive text. 'Place of birth' an easy one that, for me anyway but not for old "Smarty Pants" Nexus. Staffordshire became staff hour, which doesn't even make sense, does it? I mean where was this staff hour I was born in? Or maybe I was born in the staff hour of the place I was born in? Yeah, see how confusing life can be.

I was certainly confused to be told that I now live in "A hole, Devon."  Oh yeah, just like that, no apologetic smiley face or anything, thanks Smarty Pants. "A hole, Devon." How do I take that one then?  Holsworthy might not be Buckingham Palace but it's no hole, capital A or otherwise!  Ahh but, could it not mean something else? Something so offensive in a Carry On manner, that it's making me giggle!  Could it not be a capital A for A#$ole? In which case I'd have to discreetly and deeply inspect each bottom in Devon just to find out what the postcode is. The Royal Mail will duly be informed to start their redirection service, I do hate to miss my post!

Are you seeing where I'm coming from?  Not so clever is Smarty Pants now eh?

Just how does predictive text work? I know how it's supposed to work but exactly how does it work in reality?  When I swipe a string of letters it causes various words to choose. Right?  Most of the time a tool bar will show what words I've typed with examples of similar words. If I've spelt it incorrectly it will show the correct spelling, although I have to admit to arguing with it occasionally. That these arguments have to involve the dictionary is simply a sad statement to life in a disability enforced retirement. I am straying again...

So we swipes our words, choosing the correct spelling versions of course, quickly glance upwards at the screen to make sure it's OK, press send. Sit and wait for your reply (if you're lucky).
"I'll just check that last text."
OMG! Or insert your fave expletive. 'Is she OK? Wanted to ask if she'd help me with my eyebrows.' has turned into 'its she prick I wanted to ask of she would help me with me bestowed.'  I mean... HOW?  I swear to goddess that it was the former words I put. I double checked. Didn't I? Did I? Oh self doubt creepeth forrads! 

So there you go. I guess it can be summed up by simply saying "smart phones are only as smart as their owner."

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