Friday 21 October 2016

Emerging

Well this has been a long time coming. I'm afraid I've not had an awful lot to say. Actually that statement is wrong because I've always got a lot to say, but just lately I've not wanted to share. Don't take it personally, reader, it's not meant to be an insult to you.

Suffice to say my stomach problem has got out of hand and hospital procedures, doctors visits, and plenty of hours spent doubled over the loo or curled up in bed has left me feeling like crap, with no motivation nor energy to do anything productive.

I can't tell you what is the matter because I don't know myself yet, only that it appears to be a functional disorder.

There are two very special people I want to acknowledge, two people who've really helped get me through - my OH, bless him, who has been worth his weight in bullion. I couldn't survive very well without him, I'll tell you. The other is someone so good, kind, caring, helpful, that I'm positive she's hiding wings under her jumper. A true genuine friend and I love her to death, she's that special.

So there you have it, a short explanation for my absence. A bit serious for me, I'll go back to being my normal self now. 😀

Sunday 3 July 2016

Flutterbye

My bestie has a daughter who loves doing artwork. She's only young, a teenager, but I think she shows great promise. Hopefully, she'll be letting me put more of her stuff on here.
Thanks to Zo for letting me show you. 




                                                   Butterfly by Zo

Saturday 11 June 2016

Psst, come over here...

 Be gentle how you place your steps,
Be quiet with your heavy breaths.
Something to show you, I have got,
It cost me little but means a lot.
A few years gone, I forget the year,
I was given a pond by my ol' dear.
Not very big, but big enough
Not very posh, in fact rather rough.
Down I dug with my garden spade
huffing and puffing, sweating in shade.
At last, it was done, filled with rainwater,
planted some stuff, just like you oughta.
Dreaming, I saw it filled with pond fae
whose lustrous green skin did shimmy to dry.
Year by year passed, nothing appeared.
Was nothing coming? Nothing, I feared.
Then this month I saw, as I sat by the side,
a quick little move as something did hide.
Held in my breath, pushed aside the dog,
leaned right over and there was a FROG.
A little brown chubby, a frog nonetheless,
I'd not been more shocked had it worn a dress.
So, quietly come near, be careful if you can
for I want you to see my amphibian.







Note
My Pond fae shouldn't be confused with Plumatella repens 









In which I should grovel, maybe..

I'm not good at grovelling, which is a bit of a surprise given that I'm damn good at apologising. Just ask any of the numerous inanimate objects that I've banged up against and muttered, "I'm so sorry!" before realising what an idiot I am.

Grovelling, however, is a skill (?) that I'm not blessed with. Heck, I don't even know how to! Do I go down on my knees, lick the dirt from beneath your feet while begging,    
   "My dear blog readers, please don't leave me because I've not done anything for ages. Please?"
No, I don't think that's my style, nor do I believe my lovely, intelligent, kind hearted, gorgeous [is that enough flattering or would you like more?] readers would like me to do it. I hope.

Nah, I'll stick with telling you the facts and hope you'll understand.

Since Imbolc I've had a right crappy time, health wise. The lengthy periods of wet, chilly weather didn't help as Arthur Itis, who now seems to have moved in lock, stock, and painful barrel, really came out to play. He loves such weather! In full force, he played havoc with every joint in my body. That, in turn, led Madam Fibromyalgia to flare up and together they did their damnedest to kill me off. Add to this mix something going wrong with my digestive system, having to go for Xrays and tests, pokes and prods, well I really did think the whole lot of things were determined on the murder of their host!
OK, OK slight exaggeration there but it really did feel like they were trying.

It's only three weeks ago that I began feeling that my brain had returned.  Gratefully, soon after my body came back to Earth, enticed by the Sun exposing himself. Luckily, I felt no need to shout, "you dirty old man!" at him, so he's continued to expose himself daily. Apart from the odd time he was shoved aside by a certain gang of clouds needing to pee. Mind you, even that was welcome this week, as our water butt was getting very low.

So, dear followers* readers, now you might understand my absence. I'm raring to go, loads of ideas and little bits of things to tell you. Please accept my rose and do stay.

*on the word followers, while some people might like the idea of being followed, it always makes me think of my school church upbringing (yes, even witches go to school) and how the vicar used to go on about the followers of Christ. I'll stick to readers if you don't mind. :-)



Sunday 31 January 2016

Awakening thoughts

Happy Imbolc!

As a friend said to me ,"it's a long time coming " , which is true but it's here now. I think most people look forward to this time of year, Pagan or not.

I went in the back garden this afternoon, the sun was giving us a weak smile that generated no warmth but a reassurance he's still there, he's gathering strength for the coming year. The knowledge pleases my spirit. Standing there feet on the sodden, muddy grass of the lawn I became aware of the life stirring beneath me. Sending my minds eye down under the soil so I could feel the roots of grass, shrubs, trees, flowers all nudging one another. ,"eh wake up, we've got to start work. Sleepy time over let's get going on grow! " 

Of course it's not just plants and trees that have begun their wakening; insects and worms become more active, hedgehogs, weasels and the like also begin to stir their limbs into more action.  I've been watching the birds, now becoming aware that mating time is approaching. I can't help but wonder if they are eyeing one another up --

  "phwoar, I fancy my chances with that wagtail!"  A cocky Robin winks at his friend "just look at the way she's wagging! She can sure move!" His friend stops preening his wing to look with disdain and says "don't be so bloody stupid. She's way out of your reach. For the goddess sake cocky, you're a Robin! She ain't going look at you!"

Yeah I know it's all a bit silly and I really shouldn't take pleasure in anthropomorphism, but it is something I've always done. I blame Johnny Morris who I used to love watching on the TV as a kid. I remember only vaguely the programme he used to do, something about a hamster and his friend, but the one that really caught my young eye was Animal Magic. Round the zoo he went in his uniform to talk to the the various animals and it was fascinating. You can see clips of him on YouTube, you might even find the clip in which the ape says "bloody hell", in Johnny's voice of course but it caused a bit of a stir in the news I think.

Where am I? Yes, life springing forth. The honeysuckle is showing tiny buds, such a soft green, so fresh and new. All the bulbs I planted are well growing, buds bursting on the bushes... What more could anyone want!

Enjoy Imbolc, start thinking of the things you'd like to grow within yourself this year.

Blessings, 😘

Part 2

I was skimming through One Note, just idly clicking away, desperate to nod off to sleep. Barely taking in what I'm looking at, when suddenly I noticed a blog post I'd written in November. For whatever reason, I'd forgotten to publish it. It made me smile, I'm such a moaning Minnie aren't I?!  Have i always been a moaner or is it something that's crept up on me? Anyrate,I decided to publish it, seems a shame waste all those words. 😊  Here it is,
                                The Crone always manages get a moan in
 It's 4 am on a late November morning, the storm called Clodagh is kicking up a fuss outside. I know this because through our bedroom window, the dark shadowy outline of our oak tree is engaged in a macabre movement, causing me to recall the Greaser Bop that my friends and I used to do when young, free and fit. The younger offspring of said oak, self set at the side of the bedroom window (which reminds me to remind Paul it really does need lopping down before it gets bigger) mimics it's elder in a half hearted way. You know how a young toddler, barely able to walk unaided, will try to copy dancers on the tv? That's what this young oak looks like. 

Neither of them are unclad yet; russet, tawny, golden and yellow tinged leaves still hold their grip on the skinny branches and twigs. Obviously they're not into nude dancing, no not our oaks! respectable they are!
When Aurora begins to flood the sky with light, in that reluctant way she has in the cold dark months, the early risers, the feathered ones, will appear in the old oak. I'll lie here and watch their ducking and diving, their acrobatics through the branches and I'll smile as they do their morning routine.

I'm so tired. I've not slept at all yet. My legs have been performing their own weird dance that is Restless Leg Syndrome. My arms have joined in also tonight, insult to injury I reckon. "here debs, have a double portion of RLS, because after all,  having two legs spasming ten to the dozen is hardly worth noting. Lets throw in some good arm jerks as well, make a proper floor show of it."

 I am Not complaining, could be a lot worse. 😃

Saturday 16 January 2016

Smarty Pants. Or 'it's not what goes in but what comes out, that matters'

Well. I don't believe it! Spent 3/4 hour filling in a free online Last Will and Testament. Totally free! OK? Got that? It's a free online Will. Only to discover it just meant "spend ages filling in and saving, that's all free but then if you want your copy to download and print, hand over your dollars !" Yeah, as if.

But that's a topic for another time because what I'd like to go on about comes under the subtitle of -

    What makes a smart phone smart?

and don't nobody say "give it a sharp, hard, slap!"  or "make it wear a suit and tie!' because I've already thought of them and you'd just look a bit, erm, Parroty?

Just hawk back to the start of this blog entry. We were talking about online Wills {of the not so free variety} weren't we? I was anyway. I'd spent three quarter of an hour tapping away diligently on the old Nexus, creating my very own Free Last, Will & Testament. Had I only known then,I could have spent that 3/4hr looking at something much nicer that I couldn't afford).  It began by needing the formal details. The boring stuff. The skeleton to be padded out with layer upon layer of words, sentences and paragraphs of my desiring to burden / gift unsuspecting members of family with various items.

I don't think this kind of thing is meant for a small 7" tablet, especially one with predictive text. 'Place of birth' an easy one that, for me anyway but not for old "Smarty Pants" Nexus. Staffordshire became staff hour, which doesn't even make sense, does it? I mean where was this staff hour I was born in? Or maybe I was born in the staff hour of the place I was born in? Yeah, see how confusing life can be.

I was certainly confused to be told that I now live in "A hole, Devon."  Oh yeah, just like that, no apologetic smiley face or anything, thanks Smarty Pants. "A hole, Devon." How do I take that one then?  Holsworthy might not be Buckingham Palace but it's no hole, capital A or otherwise!  Ahh but, could it not mean something else? Something so offensive in a Carry On manner, that it's making me giggle!  Could it not be a capital A for A#$ole? In which case I'd have to discreetly and deeply inspect each bottom in Devon just to find out what the postcode is. The Royal Mail will duly be informed to start their redirection service, I do hate to miss my post!

Are you seeing where I'm coming from?  Not so clever is Smarty Pants now eh?

Just how does predictive text work? I know how it's supposed to work but exactly how does it work in reality?  When I swipe a string of letters it causes various words to choose. Right?  Most of the time a tool bar will show what words I've typed with examples of similar words. If I've spelt it incorrectly it will show the correct spelling, although I have to admit to arguing with it occasionally. That these arguments have to involve the dictionary is simply a sad statement to life in a disability enforced retirement. I am straying again...

So we swipes our words, choosing the correct spelling versions of course, quickly glance upwards at the screen to make sure it's OK, press send. Sit and wait for your reply (if you're lucky).
"I'll just check that last text."
OMG! Or insert your fave expletive. 'Is she OK? Wanted to ask if she'd help me with my eyebrows.' has turned into 'its she prick I wanted to ask of she would help me with me bestowed.'  I mean... HOW?  I swear to goddess that it was the former words I put. I double checked. Didn't I? Did I? Oh self doubt creepeth forrads! 

So there you go. I guess it can be summed up by simply saying "smart phones are only as smart as their owner."

Sunday 3 January 2016

And before i knew it the world is a year older!

I'm not the only one am I? Don't tell such a bloody lies! You can't say Christmas eve hadn't seen you being swept up in a typhoon that began in the supermarket and dumps you, fagged out, amidst the ruins of lucidity some 13 days into the new year? Now, not only has the world begun a new number, your body has a new number too, something like 14lbs extra than it was! It's never happened to you? Oh be like that then, you're perfect! I'm not and that's why I finally focused on this blog and realised that it's still stuck in 2015.

Not that it's a bad thing, after all 2015 was nice to me in many ways. It being the year my sojourn in the village of the dimmed came to an end and I came back home, to the peace (scuse me while I guffaw) and beauty of the Ruby Country. Back to Mr P and his never ending love and care, to my familiars who made it clear they were happy to see me back. Back home safe and sound. Where I belong. (There's a song in that somewhere!)

2015 also saw me with a clean bill of health in the private areas. My cervical smear came back OK!! Wow that's something I tell you! I've had so many colposcopys and Lletz that it became routine to open wide and look at the ceiling. We even had a joke that the consultant was actually going pot holing, "have you got your torch and ropes, doc?"  I'm one of those who like to see what's been taken away from my body, so I always ask to look. It's fascinating to see an oxo cube size lump that's been quietly living in your body. Be gone damn cells!

Ladies please never be afraid to go for a smear test, never be afraid if they ask you to go and have a colscopy or anything like that. Does it hurt? Only if you want it to. The worst part for me was my first one and the injection into my cervix. It didn't so much hurt but made my pulse rate higher causing dizziness and nausea. The cups of tea and biscuits that they give you after are nice though! Try to understand that even if you have cells that are cancerous or liable to cancer, you can be treated and healed. I'm proof! Obviously the HPV virus remains in the body but I'm not letting that bother me I'll just keep going along for smear tests, let the docs sort it.

Anyway. Now it's 2016 and I've no plans or resolutions. Can't do the former because I live day to day and I don't believe in the latter. For goddess sake it's just another stick to beat yourself up with. "I made that new year resolution to stop squeezing my spots but I've just had to release that tiny volcano that was on my chin! Oh I'm a failure!"
Instead of resolutions I've made something of a bucket list for the year.
Wanna see?

1) finish writing my book, I've had three on the boil for the last 6 year, ridiculous! This year one will be finished and published!

2) visit as many as I can of the properties that the national trust and English heritage look after. I've been a member of both for years  and yet not taken advantage of it. For this I need to get my fibro under control. So maybe that's two things on the list, not one. Who cares?

3) finish the wall hanging and get it sold! Three years in the making, I think it's more than overdue to be finished.

4) try to find something that makes holding brushes and pencils easier for me. I really miss doing my art but get so frustrated with shaking hands and cramping fingers that turn dead with Renaud's at the drop of a hat.

5) Love myself for who I am and what I can still do. Don't keep beating myself up over things I can't do much about. I've never loved myself, really need to learn how to do that. I wonder though, is it too late at 57 years? Can an old crone learn new tricks? Why not! I've learnt how to crochet, surely learning to love myself can't be much more confusing than that!

So those five things are my list for the year. They're not plans and they're not resolutions. Simply five things that I'd like to do this year. If I don't manage, then so be it.

We'll see won't we? 😜

I'm tired now, my energy tank has been running on low this afternoon therefore it's been nighty on and in bed at a ridiculously early hour but Hey Ho who cares!

I'll finish by wishing all my five readers a very happy, prosperous, healthy and fun filled 2016.  Enjoy every moment!