Thursday, 3 August 2017

Freewriting my way out

I can't write I'm brain numb I have no words. I can't even think straight never mind write and try as I do I can't change it. The ever constant rat called pain gnaws viciously at my bones, muscles, tendons until every single movement is hot searing grinding. shitty mess of a body, you've really betrayed me haven't you. I want you to píss off you bloody big bully. How dare you invade the once ever active fit and ready for anything mass that is me. Just go away. Leave me alone. I'm not going to the oh poor me room, I'm trying to fight you. Trying. The problem is the more I try the more you cling on with your ugly needle teeth, you dirty rat! Where's Jimmy Cagney when you want him? Even Humphrey would do cos I just need a little extra backup to deal with this bastard.  I can't write, my creative juices have dried up, gone on strike under the ever watchful gaze of chronic pain, see how the latter smirks! It's not going to win I won't let it. Yes I might be bedridden today but I might not tomorrow. I'll deal with you then. You won't win, twist that glowing red hot poker under my shoulder blade as much as you want, fill my joints with the burning sands of the Kalahari desert but you ain't going to win. Pour hot scalding water over my skin follow it up by the ants that crawl and make me itch, do as thou wilt but mark my words, I'll be back on my feet one day and soon, this is just a lull in the battle, my soldiers are having a few days rest. They're entitled. But make no mistake, I'll be back on my feet, out of bed and kicking your arse to the kerb. I will write again! I will paint again! I will mould shapes out of clay with my hands! I will write again! Look, what I've done, I wrote!

PS. Freewriting is just that. Letting the words tumble from your head into the pen without thinking of grammar, punctuation or any of that lark. Usually the writer will return later to see what can be made from those words, neaten it up, make it ship shape and typo free.
I'm not doing that, I want to leave it as it stands. Maybe one day I'll go back, revisit it but not today, not any day soon. I'm writing the pain away.

posted from Bloggeroid

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